I’ve really been unplugging a lot from the web (I am mostly on Instagram now) because I just don’t have the time(?) for hearting stuff on here anymore (sorry about that - I honestly don’t plan on deleting though if that means anything). I don’t even update my crazy fitness Tumblr anymore (even though I’m a coach for a group of 30 people at work who are training for their first marathon - you have to follow me on Strava for the down and dirty). I’ve posted a couple things here and there but I’ve done quite a few races this summer (I just did a 12K race Saturday) and a couple tris. I’ll probably do a half at the end of the month and then a 50K two weeks after the marathon just before Christmas. Blah blah blah.
So a while ago I made reference to a position that I interviewed for and things were left hanging as to whether I got it or not.
I got the job.
That means I’m leaving one trauma team as the ICU section leader and moving to another trauma team into a purely administrative role next month. I was the most junior candidate to apply.
There was/is some rumbling at work about me getting the job vs the other senior candidates. A couple people from the new team are in the marathon training group and I had the opportunity to get some input from one of them about the dismay (one of the more inspired team members apparently voiced their opinion that they were doing me injustice by running their mouths and not talking to me about their issues - yay them!).
So the overall tone was this: I’m arrogant. (There are worse things).
It caught me off guard mostly (because I haven’t made a flash card for that one yet) and I kinda fumbled my way through the response but delivered nonetheless (I was in my truck and we were driving to a training run on Friday so I couldn’t escape). I’ve had some time to sit and think about it and it reminded me of a comment that was made by a guy from the team I’m leaving about a year ago: I walk around like nobody can touch me.
After taking the weekend to think I’m going to stick with the conclusion I came to the first time: fuck them.
Let me explain.
The ‘fuck them’ concept is really hard to express and you either get it (because you’ve shared a similar pain as me) or it pisses you off. There’s really no middle ground when it comes to that and this is why: it’s a survivors concept. I don’t wake up every day looking to please people and I don’t do fake because it smells like hot garbage (because when was the last time you liked a fake person or someone who just kissed your ass because they thought it was polite). I’m not going to give them the stink eye if I don’t like them but, much like a typical guy, I’ll probably just steer clear of them. This works well if I don’t ever have to depend on that person for anything - that gets harder to do when you leave the work pool for administratia.
So the guy on my current team hit the nail on the head when he said nobody can touch me. Because they can’t and I don’t let them… mostly. It’s really hard to go to work day in and day out and not let shit get to you. It’s really hard to go to work every day and do what’s necessary. Not because you’re trying to impress your boss (that helps but nobody likes a kiss ass) but because it’s what needs to be done (even if it’s unpopular). It’s the hard right. It’s hard to NOT throw up your hands and say fuck it because the guy who’s supposed to be operating at the same level as you never does shit and gives you every reason to do the same.
It’s hard to ignore the naysayers and the people who show up every day thinking they deserve a leg up just because they’re there. It’s even harder to ignore them because they truly think they’re victims of the system. You want to punch them in the face or hug them, or both, and not in a particular order. I purposely steer clear of these people. Sure I’ll say hi to them or maybe have a small conversation about their dog or something but anything longer than that and you’re sucked into how shitty their life is and blah blah blah. I don’t have the time or energy for that.
So in a sense those people can’t touch me because I really do think that I can take the environment I’m placed in and own every bit of it and make it my bitch. Don’t get me wrong: I still have to accept every flawed piece of product that I produce, but even my flawed product is better than what the naysayers are producing because my standards are just a little higher. And I literally do mean just a little. But that little is all you need to separate you from them and sometimes just that little bit can appear to be miles.
I’ve learned, unfortunately through the school of hard knocks, that I don’t owe anyone anything (save a few precious people) and I can only effect change on things that I can control. The hardest part of that to learn is that I can’t control anything people say or do, I can only influence. Once you learn to influence (and I’m not talking about the ‘because I’m your boss and I told you so’ manipulation stuff) you’re the ninja of the admin world. I’m currently Daniel in the Karate Kid when he’s having his ass handed to him in the beginning of the fight. And in the end you may only truly influence two or three people but those are the bright spots to focus on. You can’t waste efforts on the ‘victims’ because that’s nothing more than self fulfilling prophesy and only they can change that from the inside.
So this week I get to sit down and deliver a better answer about my arrogance to them because they honestly deserve it.
But just remember: when you tell someone to go fuck them self make sure it’s in the form of a hug.